CONFIDENCE comes BY DOING

I've had many jobs over the years. Began waitressing in my teens, went to Business School in my mid 20's to be a Secretary, worked my way up from Receptionist to Office Assistant over the next eight years, was a Stay At Home Mom in my late 20's early 30's, took apart electrical transformers and put them back together again in my mid to late 30's and early 40's. The kids all grew up and moved away in my mid 40's, went back to waitressing in my late 40's while my husband (I'm happy to say is my best friend and confidence booster for 18 years this August) drove around the United States keeping hearth and home secure.

I got bored. No one to talk to but myself - that could be a troublesome thing at times. I got into Tarot Cards in search of myself since I had all this time with myself. I did a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out who I am and why I do the things I do. Many days were spent crying over why I couldn't seem to get myself into a place where I felt like I was contributing to our life. I made myself miserable, and I put Joe in a wobbling tailspin a time or two. I felt useless and like I wasn't doing my part in our marriage and our life. This is akin to seeing all the beautiful people in shiny clothes and jewelry and wishing you had that life instead of the one you were in.

After Thanksgiving and before Christmas of 1999, I got my butt fired at Denny's. I was now free to do something. So I chose to ride along with Joe and help him. For the next year and a half I rode with Joe across the country. Worked side by side with him in his hooking up and delivering of the trucks he transported. I began taking pictures of our trips. My photography skills were really bad. I once took 25 rolls of film and only three photos were any good. $180 wasted? Sort of - but I learned some lessons in how to work the camera and be more picky about what I'm trying to photograph. So it wasn't really a waste. I generally have big learning curves.

Around mid to late 2000 Joe began making noises about me getting my CDL so I could drive. We would make more money and I could be with him "legally". I didn't want to do that. I had found a comfort zone and I didn't want to be budged. Since Joe is who he is, he would gently raise the idea again and proceed to tell me I could do it.

Come March of 2001 I was getting a little closer to agreeing with him, but not entirely. June 2001 was the turning point. He had succeeded in getting me to take the test for my CDL. By July 2001 I had the written and driving tests passed, now it was up to him to convince the people he worked for to sign me on.

July 28, 2001. A little reluctantly I was hired on with strict admonitions that I was only to take "Bobtails" for the first six months. Well, that went right out the window on my first day of work. I was given a tractor (Bobtail) to go to Melrose Park, IL and a trailer to go to Jefferson, MO. First job out was a tractor/trailer with the same company that said I could not do that. Oh well.

Scared? You bet. I spent the next couple days with a crusty build up on the roof of my mouth from breathing heavily with my mouth open. I was too scared to get a drink of water. Besides, I couldn't get the fingers of my left hand off the steering wheel. I had to pry them off each time we stopped and got out.

Then "Baptism by Fire" was my next job. Taking tractor/trailers from Kenosha, WI to Morris, IL. I was going through Chicago and all of its toll booths for the next two weeks. WTF had I been talked into???? Oh, my God.

In 2004 I had a month off and I took up scrapbooking. These are from my first attempts at scrapping our life. I have come so far in my truck driving abilities that I no longer have a crusty mouth and I know the highways well enough to know where we are going. My scrapping has improved over the years also. So, Confidence comes by doing.